Parenting Observations from Behind the Stethoscope

After more than three decades of being a pediatrician, I have observed many aspects of family life that have helped me form advice than can impact the joys and comforts of parenthood. I would like to share a few of these observations in this article and add to them from time to time in future articles.

1. Some parents think and act as if their adult life is over when they have kids.

Certainly your life changes with the added stress and responsibilities of being parents. The element of fatigue often enters the arena of life and, too often, spouses only talk about things related to the kids.

I feel that it is very important to never forget that, before children came on the scene, husbands and wives (partners) had things that they enjoyed doing together. Whether they were going to the movie theatre, playing tennis or just going for walks and talking, parents should not give these things up! Whenever possible the children can be included if desired and, if not, get a sitter and get out and do those activities you enjoyed as a couple during courtship and early marriage.

I also feel that it is very important for the stay-at-home parent to get out alone or with a friend at least once a week for a few hours to do something for him- or herself. Add to that a weekend evening with your spouse or partner. Taking advantage of these breaks as adults refreshes parents and enables them to be happier people and better spouses.

2. New parents get lots of well meaning but often confusing and frustrating advice from friends and relatives.

I have often had a crying parent in my office not knowing what to do because a grandparent or a friend keeps telling them how to raise their child or telling them that there is something wrong with the child or with their parenting. My response is for a parent in this situation to tell the well-meaning person that you appreciate his or her advice but that you have a physician who is caring for your child’s health and who is guiding your parenting. Tell the advice-giver that they had their turn to be a parent and that they did a great job. You can then tell them that this is an opportunity you have been looking forward to and want to do it your way with your resources.

3. Good health is more common than not.

Most infant and childhood health events are common and self-limited (they will run their course and leave of their own accord). Don’t think the worst with every sniffle, slight fever, and cough. Most of these illnesses, especially if your child has had good preventive medical care -- including immunization, are self-limited and will resolve with no residual effects. Feel free to use your resources, i.e., your pediatrician or other health-care provider for guidance and education. You will learn through experience that most illnesses turn out fine and are bumps in the road of parenthood.

In future months from time to time I will share other observations. Feel free to address any questions to me that you would like answered or to give me your opinions.

Kenneth R. Keer, M.D., is a board certified pediatrician who has been practicing medicine in Southern California for more than 35 years. The information provided in his columns is general information that is not intended as individual advice for a particular child. Please consult your own pediatrician for advice on treating your child. To send questions to Dr. Keer, write to drkeer@familymanonline.com.