Go to Family Man Online

When Only Dad Will Do


By Risa Goldstein

At the sound of Jeffrey's car in the driveway, 3 1/2-year-old Shayna drops her Snow White Ballerina Barbie doll, while the ever-cool 6-year-old Breanna turns down the Lizzie McGuire Movie soundtrack on the CD player in her room. Together they race to the door to greet Jeffrey with a quick hello and a "tag, you're it!" You see, in our house, "daddy's home" is the same as "and now the fun begins!"

Whether he's playing "Pirates & Princesses" on the plush green carpet in our living room, telling jokes, singing silly songs, or poking fun at himself, Jeffrey's time with the girls is unhurried time. Time to catch lightning bugs in summer or watch a spider spin its silk (I would, of course, dispose of the spider and sweep away its web lickety-split). With Jeffrey, the girls explore the world at their own pace, giving them a chance to unwind, to play freely, to allow their imaginations to guide them. I envy his ability to shrug off the demands of the day and fully immerse himself in fun with the girls.

Remarkably, Jeffrey seems to have more energy as the night wears on. The more he plays, the more the stress of his day seems to slide off his back. Play is simply his way of connecting to our girls' world, and what better way is there to forge a deep and lasting connection?

I want to join Jeffrey and the girls in their pursuit of some old-fashioned, unstructured fun. But I'm afraid old habits may be just too hard to break.

Take last night, for instance. It began like most nights, with Breanna and Shayna shouting in tandem, "Mo-o-o-m? Will you play hide-and-seek with us?"

"Mom-m-mmy? Can you help us build a pillow-castle?"

"Mo-o-o-o-o-o-m? Will you play catch, take us bowling, mini-golfing, anything???"

Instinctively, I replied with my standard, "I just need to finish this," and "Give me five minutes," and "I'll be there in a minute."

To which they continued, "You're no fun. Why can't you be more like Daddy?"

And in those seconds, I knew it couldn't work. You see, like it or not, I'm the rule-maker, the let's-finish-homework-before-we-play parent, and Jeffrey's all about fun when he's home. But rather than be disappointed at this realization, I'm pleased. A former full-time working mom, I now happily shuffle between volunteering in Breanna's Kindergarten classroom and Shayna's play dates, between running off to ballet and gymnastics lessons and ice cream at the park. By the time we return home from our long day out each day, I'm just too pooped to play.

So in those never-ending hours between pickup and dinnertime I, like the girls, simply can't wait for Jeffrey to get home. Knowing that the minute he arrives, I can take a deep breath and shout, "Great -- Daddy's on the job. More time for me!"

So what does all this mean? It means I'm grateful to have a husband who enjoys working hard when he's away from home, but plays just as hard with the girls when he gets here. It means I accept (even if I don't always like it) that I'm "the heavy" to his "Mr. Nice Guy"; that I'll continue to set limits, and Jeffrey and the girls will continue to push them; that Jeffrey and I are just like every other dad and mom out there; and that there are times when only Dad will do.

Risa Goldstein is a writer/editor who spent 14 years in the New York publishing industry before "retiring" to sunny Southern California with her husband and their two amazing daughters. She can be reached at She can be reached at risa@familymanonline.com.
Close Article