In One Year and Out the Other

By Risa Goldstein

So how are your New Year's resolutions coming along? Personally, mine are killing me. I have so many self-improvements I’d like to make this year, I can barely keep my thoughts straight. As list-making goes, I’m pretty good at creating practical, straightforward outlines, but my resolutions tend to take on an unrealistic, judgmental quality. Case in point, this year’s superficial and vague Top10 list of resolutions goes something like this:

1. I will be a better parent.
2. I will be more conscious of my husband/marriage.
3. I will eat like a human being.
4. I will stop saying “uh-huh” to both of my girls when I haven’t heard a single word either of them has said.
5. I will return phone calls/emails from my friends within 8 to 10 days (Sara, Monika, and Carolyn I mean it this time -- really!).
6. I will make more money (even a dollar a month is more than nothing, right?).
7. I will become a better writer.
8. I will radically curb my spending. (see #6)
9. I will suffer fools better.
10. I will get my lazy butt back to the Cardio-Barre.

My husband, Jeffrey, thinks I’m crazy. He can't believe how many New Year's resolutions I make every year. He thinks I'm just setting myself up for a fall. But I disagree. The way I figure it, the more targets I have, the more chance I have of hitting something. Actually, this year I've cut way back. I've given up on ever arranging our photo albums or organizing our filled-to-the-rim closets.

I take the ritual of making resolutions seriously. There’s something very appealing about starting anew, of being given a clean slate right at the stroke of midnight. So every year, I set aside some time to examine my life, figure out the bad habits and character flaws I want to change (which is usually not too difficult a task).

“This year will be all about change,” I always promise myself in late December. And it will be true, for a few days, of course. Then, by the time my girls are back in school, I’m back to the same old me. How many times do I have to turn over a new leaf before I realize there are only two sides? Actually, the ritual of resolutions is to open my mind not to perfection but to the endless possibilities in my life.

Now, as resolutions go, this is not the first year that I’ve put "Be a
better parent" at the top of my list (and I can bet it won’t be the last). Parenting is a huge job, with very few coffee breaks and no 401K plan to boot.

Most of my friends with children resolve to be better parents year after year. But what makes a better parent? Is it someone who spends every waking minute with the kids? Someone who disciplines fairly and lovingly? Someone who is creative and fun? There are so many ways to be a good parent.

A result of this particular resolution leads me to more tough questions. “Would a better parent keep Breanna and Shayna in Ballet/Tap classes, or should I save money and simply teach them myself?" And then, "How on earth can I teach my girls the beauty, grace, and poise of ballet while I'm so darned busy clipping coupons, cooking from scratch, exercising daily, reconnecting with friends, writing more (the only way to improve is to practice, practice, practice), and spending twelve hours a day playing with my kids?"

The more appropriate questions I should ask are: How can I do things differently? What do I want to see change in my life and the life of my family in 2005? And how can I make it happen? My greatest wish -- my only wish, actually -- is for the happiness, health, and safety of Jeffrey and our girls. My greatest desire is for us to be together as a family more.

So maybe I’ve gone a little overboard with my New Year's resolutions, again. But I think they’re good for the soul, plus it’s important to have goals. So, hopefully, my far-away friends will continue to call and email me -- even if I don’t return the favor in a timely fashion. I can hit the gym a realistic two times a week instead of five. But my resolution to spend more time with Jeffrey and the girls is one I won't be dropping.

The way I figure it, by this time next year I'm going to be so fit and financially secure, my children are going to be so happy and well-adjusted, and Jeffrey and I will have figured out how to keep the spark alive that I won't have a thing to worry about. But in the meantime, I’m just hoping to go on loving life and taking each day as it comes. Every step along the way, I'm going to struggle to be my best -- the best mom and wife I can be. I wish you all a happy and peaceful New Year and lots of luck on your resolutions too.

Risa Goldstein is a writer/editor who spent 14 years in the New York publishing industry before "retiring" to sunny Southern California with her husband and their two amazing daughters. She can be reached at She can be reached at risa@familymanonline.com.